word

"I rather do nothing and be happy,

then to do something that I don't love."

the beauty of life.

that's where I am now. it's nice. i mean it's california. but, I don't like it. actually that's not true. I do like it. not as much as I like rome though. and maybe also because the one I want to be with, is not here.

anyway, sometimes I surprise myself with my intuition, Im right a lot of times. sometimes I expect people to do things, but refuse to believe that they actually have the courage to do so, to be that stupid I mean. people are egoistic, which is good, but to some extent. if you are just thinking about yourself, but believe that you are not, and hurt others, what do you get out of that? it's just being immature, or jealous? or maybe both. it definitely has to do with insecurity. Im not superwoman, I do make mistakes. I try to admit to them too, even if it's hard sometimes, cause nobody wants to make mistakes right? But the strongest people can admit to their wrong doings, people who don't, well... they are the ones who will suffer, even though they don't admit being wrong, they know they are, deep inside. To me it's actually satisfying in a way, when i know that a person knows that I know that they're doing something wrong, and they won't admit it to me. I can see it in their face, feel their energy and feel how uncomfortable they get around me. but hey, it's okay! i know better, and I don't judge. If you are not mature enough, no worries, but i have no time to waste, so Ill let it pass.

coming here in the end wasn't a waste. I've learned a lot. again. that's the beauty of life, that we never stop to learn!

I've learned to be more careful and think things through, not put all my trust in people, because there are only a few people who are like I am, to always believe that everyone is good.

they're not.

and I've learned to take action, before speaking and telling my ideas. maybe it's me learning not to be that naive! well great! I am happy I came. I did something out of the situation.

and elsk, thank you, you rock my world, you know you do ;)

okidoki

i just re-read the first page of my blog. ok, yes Im in love. can you tell? hm... that's really all that Ive been writing about lately. and i won't say that Im sorry. cause Im not. you just have to bare with me. or not read. that leaves you with two options. take it or leave it!

after all it's my blog and I get to write what I want! isn't that fantastic?!

so now Im going to write about... well Im actually just going to save it for tomorrow. ha!

Now Im way too tired, being a "mommie" for two days isn't something that Im used too. well at least it's good practice... and the children are adorable...when they don't scream or cry. actually even then they are. they are just kids, and that's what kids do.

and even some adults, that are immature, that act like kids. "to act tough you gotta be dumb", as elsk says. i second that.

a state of mind

is really what it is. So Ive been here not even a week but Ive realized so much. My whole last year. It's good that I went back, I had to really.

I came to california for a reason, for love and hopes for a better life. Well it turned out the opposite. The exact opposite. The first three months, I barely remember, they were too painful. Then my vacation back to Italy was paradise. Then back here again to California, and I changed my mind set and actually started to live instead of always be miserable and sit and wait.

However, even though I lived, and had fun, it was still painful. Going back to Italy was something that I had looked forward to since day one that I sat foot on californian soil. sounds really bad to say, and really bad to hear. It's not that Im thankful, it's just that when love is involved it always takes it to another level. I started to live to protect myself from the pain I was feeling, the pain of a broken heart. However, when I got back to Italy after 9 months, it was really weird. I was rejecting it in a way, it was something that also had caused me pain.

Then I found my way back to Italy and I got to know my man again and it was like we had never been apart. I remember after being back for a couple of weeks we sat down and talked, and we didn't talk about the months that had past, it was too painful, we tried, we started but since we had been suffering, we just let it go, then we talked like we never had parted, only that know it was so much better, a deeper understanding, more maturity and more intensity, and then he said... this is what real love feels like. yes, this is what real love feels like!

however, I had made a promise to myself, that I had to go back to the states so that I wouldn't be able to say in the future "if I only had gone back to the states?" you know, things that you say when you regret not having done them, and I didn't want to be able to say so, so off I went.

Im happy I did, cause now I realize my whole past year in cali was all pain, cause I have the same pain now, being away from him, it's aching, and it really hurts, and I told him that I can't do this one more time, that Im coming back home and that Im ready to stay forever. his answer was Im happy you're coming home. Im happy to finally be happy!

and I'm not wasting my time. Ive made great connections and great deals. I just need to go home get my life going and put them into action. This time is for real.

it is important that I stop playing around now, this is life, I got one shot, one opportunity, and I will take it!

determined

to succeed. to make my dear parents proud and my dear...fiancee!
Im in San Diego, trying to focus, it's a bit hard I have to admit when the one who gives me energy and confidence is far away. However, Ive done worse things. I shouldnt complain, shouldn't be a crybaby, or give up. After all, Im not here for that long. Im here to arrange for the future. Our future. Together. I just wish that he was here with me. After he got back into my life, this time is forever, and so deep that it makes me shake. I feel so strong knowing that Im his, that nothing else matters.
Im going to make the best out of this trip, go back home and have the foundation set. Then from there Ill make a success. I just can't be that far away from home anymore. It makes me weak. Life is one, why suffer?! Lets enjoy it and be happy!
One thing Ive realized turning older, being more mature, my family is my all. I don't want to be far away from them anymore. I want them close!

back in cali...

...and asking myself what the F im doing back here? before getting on the flight in rome, i hesitated, then in NYC i hesitated, on the plane from NYC to SD i almost had a panic attack and wanted to get off, during the flight I was thinking, what now? why the f did I get on the plane. I don't belong here. like the song says.

well now Im here and better do the best out of it. tomorrow I will see G and N!!!! then go to LA and OC and then....and then back home to rome!!!

getting my return ticket tomorrow! ahaha that's how long I lasted this time... about an hour!

smart move anna!

L O V E

Yesterday something happened. Something that made me the happiest girl alive!

My man went out to get my computer and telephone that I had left at the bar, and to grab me medicine since I got sick, again. I do believe I'm allergic to cold weather.

Then he sat down and asked me to go and get the computer, which I thought was somewhat odd since he was sitting with it right there. I got up and went to get it though since he had been doing everything for me all day. I opened the bag and there it was. My computer. Attached to the computer however was a ring. Exactly the kind of ring that I wanted. He started to laugh since I made a face of mine totally thrilled, he took the ring from me and put it on my finger. he said, he's not ready to get married yet. I don't care. I just know that it's him. with H. and Im the happiest girl alive.

He treats me like a queen, even though we've known each other for many years. now we are one, so connected that it gets....some what excitiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!

god, when will I stop being sooooo cheesy?!

now Im in the airport in NYC heading to San Diego again. THis time I'm on a mission. A very short mission. I can't be away from him for longer... never ever again!