after having lived in california for a year, I kinda got used to the "comfortable" lifestyle again. then back to italy, where the gap is huge. living in italy, rome especially, is really hard. so much harder than one might think. especially if you're a foreigner, and don't have your parents or family around to help you economically (like all the italians have). it's expensive to live... a 60m3 apartment costs around 1500 euros. yesterday I slept over at my bestfriend's and her boyfriend's apartment downtown gothenburg, a 100 m3 apartment for 600 euros!!! BIG difference. i do agree. rome is eternal. it's the most beautiful city in the world. unfortunately I cannot live out of beauty, I need money. being a housewife means that you don't have money. you have your mans money. it's not the same. they're not mine. and it makes me feel useless.
in rome I've been offered some jobs, like you know, here in gothenburg I've been offered jobs too, immediately at a manager level, cause that's what I did in Cali. In italy it's unlikely that that would happen. right now im very confused. as it is now, i don't feel well in rome, i need to move along, develop. my man is there. i don't wanna leave him behind again. i just don't. i love him too much. but im swedish orginally, i've always been working and now when Im not. it doesn't feel good. it's not me. my man knows it too. he saw it. he was the one telling me to go to Sweden for a while. now when Im here, i know I needed it more than ever. it's nice to be home with family and friends. it's also a bit difficult. im not swedish swedish anymore, Im more italian swedish. i know and love my family but i haven't lived with them for more than 8 years. always had a long distance relationship with them, so of course it's different when Im here, we know each other, but not as my man knows me. every morning I wake up here in sweden and I wonder where I am now. something's missing. it is him.
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