things happen...

that you can't always control. like now. Im staying in Sweden, longer than I thought. I got a phone call from my mommie on Friday. Grandpa was in the hospital. I was about to pay for lunch when she called, didn't understand anything after that, the world was spinning, I sat down and my friend was like, anna are you ok? you are all white. I told him, and he wanted to take me to the hospital but I didn't want to understand it so I continued our lunch. then my mother called again and told me we had to go to the hospital. it was really hard to see him there, but he was actually doing better. but as we were sitting there he got worse and they took him away for an immediate surgery. thank god that now he is doing much better and might even be able to go home tomorrow. only god knows for how long. my dear granny!

i've been thinking a lot while being in Sweden, and I've been talking to my man and we have decided that maybe it's better for me to stay here for a while, to find a job and make some money. I already have a couple of interviews lined up, so let's hope this time it will work out. the only problem is that I would have to live with my parents again... and I have a hard time seeing that happening... or at my brother's and sister in law's downtown, but they have a baby, I love him a lot, but waking up during the night...hm... don't know if im ready yet.
we'll see.....
I do miss rome though, after all it's my home. I have my life there. well...i have my life here in Sweden too, but my home is where my heart is. and right now, it is in rome.

ooo im losing sight...

i'm an outcast! ;)

maybe it's time

for me to take some serious decisions. im in sweden now. it's amazing. everything works, it's modern and it feels somewhat like Im in the future, compared to italy.

after having lived in california for a year, I kinda got used to the "comfortable" lifestyle again. then back to italy, where the gap is huge. living in italy, rome especially, is really hard. so much harder than one might think. especially if you're a foreigner, and don't have your parents or family around to help you economically (like all the italians have). it's expensive to live... a 60m3 apartment costs around 1500 euros. yesterday I slept over at my bestfriend's and her boyfriend's apartment downtown gothenburg, a 100 m3 apartment for 600 euros!!! BIG difference. i do agree. rome is eternal. it's the most beautiful city in the world. unfortunately I cannot live out of beauty, I need money. being a housewife means that you don't have money. you have your mans money. it's not the same. they're not mine. and it makes me feel useless.

in rome I've been offered some jobs, like you know, here in gothenburg I've been offered jobs too, immediately at a manager level, cause that's what I did in Cali. In italy it's unlikely that that would happen. right now im very confused. as it is now, i don't feel well in rome, i need to move along, develop. my man is there. i don't wanna leave him behind again. i just don't. i love him too much. but im swedish orginally, i've always been working and now when Im not. it doesn't feel good. it's not me. my man knows it too. he saw it. he was the one telling me to go to Sweden for a while. now when Im here, i know I needed it more than ever. it's nice to be home with family and friends. it's also a bit difficult. im not swedish swedish anymore, Im more italian swedish. i know and love my family but i haven't lived with them for more than 8 years. always had a long distance relationship with them, so of course it's different when Im here, we know each other, but not as my man knows me. every morning I wake up here in sweden and I wonder where I am now. something's missing. it is him.

RIP

so many things on my mind lately.

im in sweden, needed some new air to focus. it's nice to be home, im staying with my parents, and am just relaxing and hanging out.

first day I got home though i found out that a woman that always comes to our club had a bad scooter accident on Friday. after leaving our club. I even said goodbye to her. Sweet girl. Now in the hospital. i wish her all the best and hope that she'll get better.

today I found out that another friend had a scooter accident yesterday. she's now with the angels. RIP V.

it puts your life in focus, your choices. just live your life now and know that it's precious.

too tired to write

i am.. but Im gonna try anyhow.

yesterday i had a fantastic day!!! and a lot of fun =)

i went to the gym, worked out hard and I was concentrated. stayed two hours but during the day, so the pick-up show hadn't started yet. well so I thought. I was standing there lifting weights when a personal trainer approached me. I took out on of the earphones (since I was listening to music) to see what he wanted. to give me a tip of the day or something I thought. but no, he presented himself, and then the super question of the day "so what are you doing here?" what could I possibly answer? what was I doing in a gym? working out! he was like, "oh yeay hm that's right" and I was still standing with the weight in my hand, and he said, "why do you stand with the weight?" once again i answered, because im working out. and he continued to talk so I had to tell him. Im sorry but Im really trying to work out and I need to hurry up. he appoligized and left me. ahahahaha he gave me a laugh though.

then the car key broke, thank god my dear sweet sweet man was out on the moto he passed by to see if he could help me, but then still it didn't work so the sweet man of mine went back home to get the other key, and then back to me again!!!

that's amore people!

then I went to dinner with my four best friends, and every body was fit for fight so we had the best dinner ever. laughed a lot!

then night out with some other friends, and then back to the club and home.

today I've been tanning on the terrace and tomorrow I have a photo shoot in fact, i gotta get my beauty sleep now, cause we're gonna be photographed around in the center of rome. with all the tourist... mamma mia, what an embarrassment. in fact i do believe there will be champagne on the set. ;)